I have. A number of times in fact.

When I was younger my friends forced me into liking this girl. It started with simple teasing which is kind of cute at the time. We ended up liking each other in the end but we never really did become a couple. It never did work out.  I guess it’s my fault too. I just let it happen.

I also got pressured into school politics then. At first I wasn’t at all interested with it all but someone convinced me into running. Unfortunately, I won. I won seven times. I might have enjoyed it too but the thing is, it started with persuasion. I guess at the time, I needed to like it for the sake of the people who voted, who believed. I owe them that. It was my name at stake after all. But yes, I would’ve been fine without it all.

I also got pressured into scouting. I mean, I never did enjoy the great outdoors. It was because of my brother. He was a boy scout so everyone thought I should be too. So I became one. For ten years, I was one. Every activity, camp, climb, ceremony and what not I was pressured to attend. But still, I did what was expected of me. I finished that part of my life successfully and with distinction, who would have known? The fun part, I made a lot of friends.

I also got pressured into pursuing my college degree. My friends know that. And I don’t want to talk about it. This time I’ll take some blame because I didn’t really have a choice of my own. I finished it though, more like crawled my way out. Also I ended up liking it in a way, mostly because of the people I met though. During college, I got pressured into lots of stuff like dancing, chorale, et. al.

Now, I am pressured into pursuing a career I don’t even know I like yet. They think I can do it, just like they think I can do anything. I’m scared of saying no. I don’t know what to do. Again, I’m stuck.

(Source: misterkomplikado)

We brought you flowers. I hope you like them. 

It’s been a year now. A year without your powerful voice. I’ve lived with that voice for 19 years. It molded me to the man I am now. It taught me how to speak to a crowd. It guided me through my tender years, encouraging me to walk and telling me to get back up each time I fall. The same voice that whispers birthday and Christmas greetings is the voice that completes any occassion. I can’t believe I survived this year without it. Maybe I did by living on his last words. It’s always in my head. Now the sound of it is just a memory. It’s been a year, I miss that voice.

It’s been a year. A year without your strong arms. The arms I long to embrace me every time I come home because every time it does I feel safe and it’s when I feel home the most. The same arms that carried me when I couldn’t stand by myself, when I couldn’t even take one step. During those times, it’s your arms I can rely to. It never did fail me. Up to now I still can’t believe how arms can be so strong and gentle at the same time, strong enough to lift me up and gentle enough to pat me to sleep. I miss those arms, both the strict and soft side of it. It’s been a year without it, I didn’t think I’ll lived this long without it  but I guess I need to get used to it. I have to.

More than the voice and the arms, I miss the man they belong to. I miss my father. Hey, dad, can you see me? If you can, I hope you like what you see. You’ll always be my hero and forever will I look up to you.

(Source: misterkomplikado)

mysweetkismet:

Much will be said. Bakit ngayon pa bumagsak? Bakit ngayong last semester na? Siguro, walang makakaunawa kung gaano kahirap ang pinagdaanan naming lahat, ng bawat graduating student ng UST-AMV College of Accountancy kundi kami-kami lang din. Di naman kasi to nararanasan ng mga magulang namin, ng mga kaibigan namin. At kulang pa ang mga salita para idescribe kung gaano kahirap at kapagod ang IAC na to.

Hindi nila malalaman kung gaano kainit sa mga classrooms, sobrang wala nang pakialam sa lesson dahil busy ang lahat kapapaypay. Kung gaano nagkakaubusan ng mga upuan lalo na kapag may mga buraot na magsisit in na nga lang, yung mga taga-section na yun pa ang nawawalan ng upuan. Kung gaano kahirap ang gumising sa umaga para sa 8am class. Hindi nila mararanasan kung gaano kahectic ang 8-5 schedule, 1 hour para maglunch tapos pagdating sa bahay, pahinga ng konti, freshen up tapos labas ulit para mag-aral. Hindi nila malalaman kung gaano na tayo nagpapalpitate sa dami ng kapeng iniinom gabi-gabi. Kung gaano na natin napapanaginipan yang Law on Sales, VAT, at Business Combi na yan. Hindi nila malalaman kung gaano natin nilalaan ang bawat Friday night at weekends natin para mag-aral, habang yung iba eh nasa beach, nagpaparty, nagiinom. Kung gaano kagusto mong sumama sa mga yaya ng mga kaibigan mo pero kailangan mong mag-aral. Yung sobrang loser mo na talaga kasi wala kang social life. Yung bawat end ng classes, magdadagsa kaming lahat sa UST church, parang nagrerecollection lang kaming lahat, pare-parehong pinagdadasal na malampasan na ang pinakamadugong semester na to. Yung kabang nararamdaman tuwing may exam. At lalong lalo na yung kabang nararamdaman bago malaman ang results. Yung todo compute kung ilan pa ang kailangan mo sa susunod na exam, kung babagsak ka na ba o hindi, naghihintay ng himalang transmutation. Yung tipong nagkandaubos-ubos na yung pera mo kakaaral sa Starbucks, Mcdo, at kung saan saan pa para lang hindi matempt ng kama sa bahay. Yung ilang extra joss, lipovitan, red bull, cobra, sting at kung anu-ano pang nilaklak mo para di makatulog. Yung bangag na bangag ka pagpasok mo ng school, pero okay lang kasi pare-pareho naman kayo. Naubos na allowance mo kakabayad ng mga handouts at kakapaphotocopy ng kung anu-anong reviewers ng iba’t ibang authors at iba’t bang review schools, kahit alam mo namang di mo maaaral ang lahat ng yon. Yung kahit doblehin mo yung efforts mo, di pa rin nagbabago scores mo. Yung ilang beses kang umiyak ng balde balde dahil hirap na hirap ka na.

At hindi nila malalaman kung gaano mo inaral ang lahat ng makakaya at ibinigay ang lahat sa bawat exam, pero kulang pa din. Kung gaano kaakala mong sobrang lapit mo na sa Graduation, pero hindi pa din pala. Akala mo mapapasaya mo na ng lubusan yung mga magulang mo. Akala mo abot kamay mo na, pero hindi pa din pala.

Ganito kami ng limang linggo. Limang linggo ng buhay namin kung saan nagsasaya at nagpapakasarap sana kami. Pero hindi. Pero tinanggap naming ganito ang kapalaran namin sa AMV. 

Lahat ng ito, may hangganan. Lahat ng ito ay magiging makabuluhan. Kaya kapit lang. Tiwala lang, mga kaibigan.

Congratulations sa lahat ng pumasa! Galingan sa boards. At sa hindi, walang susuko! Hindi ganyan ang Tomasino. Ika nga, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Laban lang ng laban. Dahil sa AMV, walang hindi matibay ang kalooban :)